Bat A Doodle
by McGeesJabberwock
Summary: The Penguin and the Duke of Owls join forces and plan to plunge Gotham into a long night in order to tire out Batman.


Despite the fact that at his core, he was no better than the various thugs and thieves that routinely attended the establishment, the Penguin still looked quite out of place in the grungy underworld bar. While he was the proud owner of his own place for getting-togethers and drinking, he still liked to mingle with the more common criminals, to remind himself of how much better he was than them, sometimes to play a good game of poker, as well as the occasional one-night stand. Plus, he needed an excuse to show off his new bow tie.

Ignoring the low, mocking grumblings of a couple of amusing neanderthals, the Penguin made his way up to the bar tab and ordered a Guinness. Since this place had no rules against smoking, he took a puff out of his cigarette holder as he surveyed the patrons of the bar that night, halfway hoping to see a female that was in his league, although he didn't want to see Poison Ivy, that treehugger bitch. A quick browse of the bar, and he lay eyes on something very unusual that he couldn't believe he had overlooked.

A giant owl, sitting by himself.

The Penguin had always had a fascination with birds, so a giant, anthropomorphic one that just happened to be where he was paying a visit was definitely going to arouse his attention. None of the other patrons seemed to notice the unusual guest, but Penguin expected that from such brainless lowlifes. After obtaining his Guinness, Penguin made his way over to the giant bird, once more ignoring the jeers of the burly, hairy men, the weedy nitwits who thought they were higher than they actually were. The big, fat owl observing his drink had an intellectual air about him that Penguin found refreshing in his surroundings.

"Ah, hello there, my fine bird!" said the Penguin. The owl raised an eyebrow in response.

"Hello." The owl spoke in an ominous tone.

The tone of the owl gave the Penguin a slight shiver in his gut, but, fancying himself one not to give up so quickly, continued his conversation. "It is a shame to see someone of your stature all alone like this!"

The owl sighed. "Indeed. What you see before you was once a great leader, a powerful ruler, the greatest being in creation!"

"Really?"

The Penguin sat down beside the owl, eager to listen. After the two fat birds took a sip of their beers, the owl introduced himself as the 'Grand Duke' and told the Penguin stories about when he lived in an alternate dimension populated by animals, which the Penguin could actually believe as he had seen stranger things in his city. Apparently, the owl had a rival in Chanticleer, a rooster that made the sun rise by singing. The Duke hated bright light of any kind, which was why he liked to drown his sorrows at this bar.

Long ago, the Duke had a plan to plunge his world into eternal night by disposing with Chanticleer. All he had to do was distract the rooster in the morning hours, while creating a fake sunrise with magic, which would make the animals think his crowing actually did nothing to raise the sun. Brutally humiliated, Chanticleer was out of the picture, leaving the Duke free to use his magic organ to create thunderstorms and usurp the land.

"Hmm, an intriguing plan, but if it worked as well as you say, why are you here?"

The Duke then continued his tale, speaking of a little cat and a group of animals who had found Chanticleer and restored his confidence enough to make him crow again, overriding the spells, restoring the land to its former glory and greatly reducing the Duke's power.

"Quite a depressing defeat."

"Yes," snarled the Duke, "Thanks to those meddling animals, this once-great duke is now seen as a joke! My subjects have abandoned me! I have been reduced to drinking booze at this dump! True, I have been slowly regaining some of my magic since my defeat, but I fear I won't have enough to wreak my revenge on those idiots and take back that world!"

"But you still have some power, do you not?"

"What are you insinuating?"

"You may not have enough magic to take back that world, but do you think you have enough to threaten just _one_ city? A city in _this_ dimension?"

"I never really thought about it. I may do, but it will probably drain me."

"Don't worry, my friend. If my plan works, you won't _need_ magic any more."

"And what plan is this?"

The Penguin looked around, and saw some of the hoodlums and thieves looking in their direction. "I'll tell you when we're somewhere more private." Then the Penguin whispered a date for an appointment in the Duke's ear. "You still have your organ, I trust?"

"Yes. I will be there and evaluate your plan. But for now, let's drink."

With that, the owl and the Penguin guzzled down their beers before ordering another. And another. And more and more until they were drunk out of their minds and found themselves chuckling and bouncing down the street, wings around each other's shoulders, with the other patrons beginning to realise a giant owl was in their bar.

The next night, the Duke made his way to the Iceberg Lounge, where the Penguin had told to meet him in the basement. He had no trouble walking through the streets, as the residents of Gotham were used to weirdos, and while the neon of the Lounge's exterior deterred him for a while, he was pleased to find the basement nice and dingy. Basking in the darkness for a while, he soon noticed the Penguin waiting for him.

"Ah, you came," said the Penguin, hands clasped in anticipation, "I'm glad."

"Of course, I do hope we can become friends, after all."

"True, true."

"But I must know your plan, and how it involves what is left of my magic!"

"Well, you see, I have a problem as well, only this problem seems a little too attached to the night. Every night, he ruins my plans and pokes his nose where it doesn't belong! Tea?" A teacup was pushed in the Duke's direction.

"You wouldn't happen to have any mice?"

"Sorry."

"Hmm. Well, what do you want me to do about this 'problem'?"

"I have noticed that there seems to be a little 'pattern' in his appearances. He comes out at night, but in the daytime, I suppose, retires to his cave for a little R+R so he's well rested to foil me again. But would he be well-rested were night to last a little longer?"

The owl looked contemplative. "Ah yes, I do see where you're coming from, and I think I may have just enough magic to plunge this city into darkness. Just this city though."

"I'm fine with that. If you are successful in bringing a long night to this city, I will send out several of my men to rob every bank, jewelry store, museum and other places with items of worth to tire our caped adversary out further. And then..." To emphasise his motives, the Penguin took out an umbrella from under his desk and fired it into the air, exciting the Duke. "Plus, we have no magic roosters here so your long night will go unabated."

"I'll gladly see if this plan will work," said the Duke, not only excited about the prospect of darkness and riches, but also about the chance to have helpers again. Hopefully the Penguin's henchmen would have a higher morale than that of his owls, who had abandoned him when he was still suffering ill effects of that damnable sunrise.

"Where is your organ anyway?"

"It's in my apartment down the road. I did have an evil mountain, but I lost it in a game of poker."

"Yes. If my plan succeeds, you will be paid most handsomely, but only if the plan succeeds, and your organ really can do what you say. You can't be too careful in this economy."

The two birds shook hands, and the Duke flew back to his apartment and towards his organ (it was hell fitting that in). Bringing storms that dominated his entire planet had taken a lot of the magic from the organ, but there should still be some left, with the time it was given to recharge. After putting it on the appropriate setting, the Duke began to play a spirited rendition of Toccata and Fugue, and, to his delight, the sky began to darken.

"Hey, Batman," said Robin as the Dynamic Duo were perched atop a building, "I think the sky's getting darker for some reason."

"That's a good thing," snarled Batman, "For I am darkness, I am the night!"

"I don't think I've ever seen the sky this black before."

"Yes, it is as black as my _soul_, my _heart_, darkened by the criminals and degenerates that plague this city. But I swore on the grave of my parents, who died _bleeding_ due to a blast from a damnable villain, that I would rid the city of its scum..."

"Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I think I see a robbery down there."

"Of course you do. This city is a _breeding ground_ for _thieves_ and various other abominations, who have no goal other than to spread _suffering_ and _misery_, but, I, _Batman_, the dark, lone symbol of justice for this city, will..."

"Yeah, I know. Let's just stop the bad guys." So Batman and Robin leaped down from the building, landing in the vicinity of a jewelry store, which a small group of thieves were robbing. Those thieves saw Batman and froze in fear.

"Unhand those jewels or you will be subject to the wrath and vengeance of the Dark Knight!" The criminals then ran to their getaway car, but Batman stopped them right in their tracks, knocking them unconscious with one punch. After handcuffing the hoods, Batman and Robin resumed their scouring of the city, spending hours upon hours tracking down hoodlums, villains and criminals and pummelling them savagely. Towards what should have been the dawn, Robin began to notice something odd.

"That's strange, the sun should be rising by now," said Robin, concerned because dawn was usually the time they went back to the Batcave.

"I'm not surprised the sun hasn't risen, for this is a dark city, oppressed by fear and debauchery!"

"Well, I'm going back home anyway. I've got lectures later, and I want to see if I can score with that cute girl in economics!"

"Well, I_ can't_ go back home! I and the night are one, and as the night lasts, I will continue to prowl the streets and punish the unruly, diseased maniacs and thieves!"

"Won't you get tired?"

"I am fueled by my _fury_ and _dark determination_."

"OK, well, I'm going to bed anyway."

"That's it, run away, you coward! But the darkness of the night hides the worst abominations of the human race, so I must always be alert as the night continues to be dark!" The sound of an alarm then reached Batman's ears, and he ran to the source after a rather large yawn.

After a brief rest, the Penguin looked outside his window, then at his wristwatch, then both again, and smiled.

"I told you it would work," said the Duke, entering the room, "Now please may I have my money?"

"Sorry, old chap, but you only get your money when Batman's good and dead. However, that time is drawing nearer, as my dark friend should be beginning to grow weary very soon, and while my best men are ensuring his fatigue, I think we should go out and pull a caper of our own. There's a lovely statue at the art museum that I think will look good in my study."

"Yes, depravity always makes me feel so..._alive_."

So the Penguin and the Grand Duke broke into one of Gotham's many museums, and, after disposing with the guards, approached an idol encased in a glass case. After the Penguin cut a hole in the case using a special umbrella, the Duke took the idol and began to observe it, as a familiar figure walked slowly through a door, yawning as he did so.

"OK...jig's up! You baneful...birds of...baseness...shall taste...my dark fury..."

"Seems like you should go to bed earlier, you caped rodent."

"No...I am fueled by my fury...and...and..." Another yawn and Batman fell asleep.

"Oh, this will be too easy," said the Penguin, readying his umbrella weapon, "but I will let you, my new friend, have first crack." The Duke of Owls cackled at this prospect, and was about to tear Batman to pieces, when a flashlight shone in his face, catapulting him through a wall, causing the Penguin to run after him.

"Wakey wakey!" A pot of hot coffee was thrown onto Batman's face as a rude awakening. Spluttering, Batman slowly got up on his feet and saw none other than the Joker standing there, holding a flashlight and a coffee pot.

"Joker! My arch-nemesis of pure malevolence, so evil he takes the image of a clown, the very thing that made me shit my pants at the circus when I was young! You don't know how deep my repugnance for you and everything you stand for runs!"

"Well, how's that for a thank you? Seriously, bats, they were going to kill you, and I couldn't let that happen! I need you!"

"Shut up, you heinous harlequin of horribleness, and prepare to be pummelled!"

"Geez, you have to solve every problem with your fists, don't you? Anyway, I overheard those two talking and I know what the deal is with that owl, and why the sun still hasn't got up from its beddy byes! You see, Hoots is from another dimension, and just hates the light, so he used his fairy dust to make all of Gotham suffer a long nighty night. Now I'm opposed to this; I mean, I gotta work on my tan! But I think I know how we can solve this little problem."

"_How_?"

"Well, in the owl's dimension, there's this rooster that can make the sun rise by crowing..."

Suddenly feeling a burst of energy, Batman got out his Bat-Dimension-Traveller from his utility belt, pressed a few buttons and opened a portal to the Duke's dimension. Upon entering, he found himself in an overly cheerful farm, and saw an anthropomorphic rooster sitting on a fence.

"Are you the rooster that makes the sun rise?"

"Sure am." With that, Batman grabbed the rooster by the neck and his grimace grew.

"Either come back to Gotham City with me and make the sun rise, or I feel like Chicken Tonight, Chicken Tonight!"

"OK, man," said the rooster, sweating, "Whatever you say!"

Back at Gotham City, the Penguin was helping the Duke out of some bushes. "Having a flashlight in your face is so irritating, is it not?"

"You have no idea," growled the Duke. Suddenly, he heard a familiar crowing in the distance."Oh shit." And once more, his magic was greatly reduced as when the sun rose again, he shrunk to the size of a titmouse. "Damn Chanticleer."

"Huh," said the Penguin as he walked off.

On top of a building, Batman and Chanticleer observed the sun making its return. "Beautiful, ain't it?" said Chanticleer.

"Yes, but I am still the _Dark Knight_, and I still prefer the bleak darkness of the night!"

"You should lighten up more."

"How true," said the Joker, appearing beside the rooster, "Now, can I have your autograph?" The Joker handed Chanticleer his autograph book, and Chanticleer began to write his signature. "Oh, I loved your movie 'Rock A Doodle'! A masterpiece of animated lunacy and chaos!" After being handed back the autograph book, the Joker held it close to his chest. "I'll treasure it forever!" Off Joker ran, and after returning Chanticleer to his dimension, Batman retired to Wayne Manor for a well-deserved rest.

Later, Joker came over to the Iceberg Lounge to have a little chat with his on-off friend.

"I know it was you who told Batman about Chanticleer," said the Penguin, looking unamused.

"I had to! You were going to kill him!"

"That was the idea."

"Admit it, you have fun trying to kill him! If you did kill him, that fun would end!"

"I try to kill him because he's a nuisance." A slight pause. "Fine. I do have a little amusement."

"The union between you and that fat owl was bound to fail anyway."

"I suppose you're right."

"I think _we_ work much better together. Remember that one time with those kids and that dog?"

"How could I forget?"

"Just to show there's no hard feelings, Pengy, how about coming over to my place for a little movie marathon. 'Rock A Doodle', followed by 'Cool World', followed by a selection of episodes of the 'Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog'! Animated insanity and disorder at its best! More fun than a barrel of monkeys!"

"I think I'll pass."

The End


End file.
